i may or may not be watching the land before time
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
