people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
