She said her name was "party"
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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