she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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