I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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