be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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