I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
