i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
