Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
