Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
