I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
