Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
