So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I love having hate sex.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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