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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I wish i could be there for it

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.

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• (648): View more from

  Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.

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• (518): View more from New York

  Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?

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• (512): View more from Texas

  We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Thanks for the hospitality last night.

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You mean sex?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Yes....hospitality.

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