4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
