Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
