Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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