Please, let me fuck your mom
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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