We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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