He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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