your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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