Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
