do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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