New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
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