If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
