A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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