I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
