you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
