If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
