he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
