just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
