Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
