How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
