I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
