On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
