i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
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I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
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Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How does one acquire holy water?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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