Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
