It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
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Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
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Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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