i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
