Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my being single is dangerous.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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