i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
