mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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