Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
