It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
