i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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