Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
