You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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