in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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