Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
