thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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