party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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