I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
