There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
