dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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