Banned from zoo.
Again?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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