I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
