if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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