You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
