I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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