When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
