Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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