After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
