apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
