I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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