Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
