It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
