Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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