Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
