dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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