i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
