ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
