I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
