Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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