I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
