I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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